Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the
Sarah Silverman, guest host for “The Daily Show, ” called Newsmax “basically an even more far-right Fox News — like if your crazy uncle had a crazy uncle.”
“I think we’re just communicating wrong, because, like, what I know ‘woke’ to mean is, like, learning new things about people or the world, and then acting accordingly. Like, basic kindness. Maybe a gesture of care to people who are more vulnerable than you. You know what, actually you wouldn’t like it — it’s Jesus stuff.” — SARAH SILVERMAN
Digital News Report 2022 By Sala De Prensa
“This guy really thinks, ‘Is Joe Biden woke?’ was like a hard-hitting question. The real hard-hitting question would be, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN “It feels cooler to say, ‘I’m not woke’ than the truth, which is, ‘I’m terrified of what I don’t understand and I only know how to process that as anger because I can’t look inward.’” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Probably Not Aliens Edition) “And there’s still confusion about the three unidentified objects the United States government shot down over the weekend. Intelligence officials now say that they do not believe the objects were from China or posed any kind of national security threat. This is all a very evasive way of saying that they shot down three Bud Light blimps.” — JAMES CORDEN
“No aliens. Nothing to see here. In a totally unrelated story, Monday, the United States has set up a new task force on U.F.O.s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT “According to Axios, the military didn’t classify what the objects were, but they don’t think they were aliens or Chinese spy balloons. Best guess right now is that there are some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown 12, 000 miles off course. How ‘off course’ can you get? You missed by an ocean, if that’s the case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL “The Pentagon this week described the unidentified object shot down over Canada on Saturday as a ‘small, metallic balloon.’ So it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching
Watch 'bloomberg Surveillance Simulcast' Full Show 8/11/2022
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” found a bunch of people who lied on camera about seeing a fictional U.F.O. on Wednesday’s “Lie Witness News.”
“This guy really thinks, ‘Is Joe Biden woke?’ was like a hard-hitting question. The real hard-hitting question would be, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN “It feels cooler to say, ‘I’m not woke’ than the truth, which is, ‘I’m terrified of what I don’t understand and I only know how to process that as anger because I can’t look inward.’” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Probably Not Aliens Edition) “And there’s still confusion about the three unidentified objects the United States government shot down over the weekend. Intelligence officials now say that they do not believe the objects were from China or posed any kind of national security threat. This is all a very evasive way of saying that they shot down three Bud Light blimps.” — JAMES CORDEN
“No aliens. Nothing to see here. In a totally unrelated story, Monday, the United States has set up a new task force on U.F.O.s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT “According to Axios, the military didn’t classify what the objects were, but they don’t think they were aliens or Chinese spy balloons. Best guess right now is that there are some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown 12, 000 miles off course. How ‘off course’ can you get? You missed by an ocean, if that’s the case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL “The Pentagon this week described the unidentified object shot down over Canada on Saturday as a ‘small, metallic balloon.’ So it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching
Watch 'bloomberg Surveillance Simulcast' Full Show 8/11/2022
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” found a bunch of people who lied on camera about seeing a fictional U.F.O. on Wednesday’s “Lie Witness News.”
“This guy really thinks, ‘Is Joe Biden woke?’ was like a hard-hitting question. The real hard-hitting question would be, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN “It feels cooler to say, ‘I’m not woke’ than the truth, which is, ‘I’m terrified of what I don’t understand and I only know how to process that as anger because I can’t look inward.’” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Probably Not Aliens Edition) “And there’s still confusion about the three unidentified objects the United States government shot down over the weekend. Intelligence officials now say that they do not believe the objects were from China or posed any kind of national security threat. This is all a very evasive way of saying that they shot down three Bud Light blimps.” — JAMES CORDEN
“No aliens. Nothing to see here. In a totally unrelated story, Monday, the United States has set up a new task force on U.F.O.s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT “According to Axios, the military didn’t classify what the objects were, but they don’t think they were aliens or Chinese spy balloons. Best guess right now is that there are some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown 12, 000 miles off course. How ‘off course’ can you get? You missed by an ocean, if that’s the case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL “The Pentagon this week described the unidentified object shot down over Canada on Saturday as a ‘small, metallic balloon.’ So it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching
Watch 'bloomberg Surveillance Simulcast' Full Show 8/11/2022
“Jimmy Kimmel Live” found a bunch of people who lied on camera about seeing a fictional U.F.O. on Wednesday’s “Lie Witness News.”
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